Hey there guys,
Now all week I've really been debating whether or not I actually wanted to post this as it's a really sensitive topic for me and I don't know whether I wanted to share it. Basically I have come to the conclusion that even if I could just help one girl who is in the same type of position that I was once in it will be worth it! This post will probably be one of the most raw and personal posts I will ever share on this blog so go easy on me.
Today I'm going to share with you My Weight Loss Story, although it's not completed and is still an ongoing process, I want this post to hopefully help anyone that is suffering from insecurities or anyone looking to lose weight but isn't sure where to start.
I'm sorry if this isn't the sort of thing you want to see on my blog but to be completely honest, to understand one side of me I want you to understand all sides..
So lets get started. From a young age I have always been a little larger, not necessarily overweight but just heavier. Growing up I had a great life, don't get me wrong I had - and still have - a loving family who support me in everything I strive for and encourage me to aim for great heights. They have always been there for me, they are my rock. Through primary school I never saw a problem with my weight, I was a kid, it was never on my mind and to be honest no one cares when you are that young. However moving into high school saw a different stage in my life. Trying to fit in at school was one of the hardest things I strived for as an adolescent. Whilst trying to fit in I ended up in the 'Popular' group (you know how there are always groups), and although that sounds great it was actually awful! I then started trying to compare myself with everyone I was surrounded by and as you could imagine there weren't many my size at all, in fact I was the 'big girl' in the group. Now just try for a second to imagine what it would be like as a 14/15yr old being described as the 'big girl'.. Not the 'nice girl' or the 'smart girl' but I was always defined by my size.. Until about year eleven it never really phased me, I knew I was bigger and I always blamed it on my bone size (in all honesty, I do have large bones). However I was putting on a significant amount of weight and by the end of year eleven I was the largest I have ever been at a size 18. It really hit me one day when whilst playing a game of softball with my HPE class one of the boys made a comment to the guy I just so happened to have a crush on about my weight and it was heart breaking when he laughed back.
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| Beginning 2015 |
I guess it was around that time that I started to get more and more insecure. It got to the stage where when I had my horse riding accident and the paramedic had to cut my shirt off I cried for mum not to let them. I was so disgusted with what I saw in the mirror.. I decided that things had to change, that I could be beautiful, that I could be happy with my body so that's when I started my first weight loss program. In the beginning of 2012, my last year of school I made some weight goals, I wanted to lose 20kg - 3 dress sizes - buy the time formal rolled around. I did everything I could think of to achieve those goals, for a full 12 months or so, all I drank was water and juice, majority of what I ate was salads and vegetables, no junk food or bad drinks. I exercised every night without fail, I swam in an ice cold pool in the middle of winter and buy the end of it all I had lost the 20kg, I made it to a size 12 dress size and although that one night was wonderful it didn't satisfy me. It made me angry that I had worked my ass off and didn't get recognition from the one person I felt like I needed it from, it was awful. I realised that I couldn't lose weight and change for anyone but myself, it was a long process but I finally realised. So from then on I did what made me happy. I went back to eating what I wanted, to exercising when I wanted. Although I gained some weight back I felt a kind of relief that I didn't have to change for anyone even though I wasn't completely happy.
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| Toward the end of 2015 |
Through 2013 I exercised on and off, partly jealous of my former self, the fact that I had lost so much weight and that now I couldn't get back into rhythm with my exercising efforts. I couldn't find motivation. I became quite upset again until the beginning of 2014 when I finally picked up my good exercise habits again but this time I wasn't restricting my eating habits, I wasn't eating bad but I certainly wasn't an angel when it came to food. I was lucky enough in that year to find my partner who has been by my side ever since. He has never given up on me when I have my bad days. 2014 was a hard year, starting my first relationship left me feeling extremely jealous, I wasn't happy within myself and never thought I was worthy. It was hard for me to realise that someone would actually want to be with me and could actually find me attractive. I was in a constant state of panic that he would want to leave me, but he was an absolute angel and never once gave me any reason to think he would. He was and still is beyond perfect and I can never thank him enough for that. I honestly do have bad days still. At the end of last year, I was having more bad days than good, everything was becoming too hard again, I couldn't find rhythm with my exercises and my eating habits had gone off the rails again so before christmas I made a conscious decision to fix my problems, to stop dwelling and do something about it.
That brings us to January 2016, 'The Beginning of My Next Phase' I like to call it. I have learnt a lot in my short amount of time, a lot to do with my weight and myself. I have realised that I will never be 'thin' and I'm okay with that. I have realised that it will take real effort and I can't just lie to myself and say I'm doing the right thing! I have to control myself and encourage myself and believe that I can do it, I'm not failing if I have a set back! It's all part of my journey and I still have so far to go but I have already started and that's all that matters! As for my workout routine, I started 2016 off with a bang partaking in the 30 day butt lift blogilates challenge and the 30 day waist trainer blogilates challenge, along with Yoga a few days a week. In February I will be adding the 30 day arm challenge to my list along with another blogilates challenge. I am also measuring myself and taking photos every Monday, I like to write a little something in my journal just so I can go back and see how I'm doing too. As for food, I am eating healthier, however I haven't restricted my diet too far. I'm still eating - for the most part - how I normally would but cutting out unnecessary items such as chips or unhealthy snacks!
Right now I'm feeling great about this next phase, I can already feel the differences it's making and that makes me want to excel more! I honestly do love the effects this sort of lifestyle has and although I'm still having bad days they seem to be few and far between and that is an achievement in itself.
I'm so sorry for rambling, this post wasn't meant to be this long so thank you if you are still reading! Please if any of you are having any sort of problem and can relate and need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to message me on my facebook or instagram! I would love to be able to help anyone who is doing it tough or struggling to find someone to talk to! Just a heads up, once a month I'm going to be doing a segment on my blog called 'What's for Dinner' where I will cook and review a vegetarian (because my partner is vegetarian) meal and dessert and review it for you! I'm super excited to start this so I hope you enjoy it! Anyways guys, thanks for reading, leave a comment if you wish! Please be kind...
Until Next Time
BrittanieDe-Ann xoxo
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